2017 is coming to a close- and in all honesty, I am so ready to be done with this year. I’ve come out of a relationship bruised and defeated (and all the other aspects that stem from that), I’ve been cheated on, and I have struggled to put myself back together.
I have big plans for 2018. Coming up to the end of the year, I am more than willing to shut the door on a shitty year and begin anew. 2017 brough heartache, tears, defeat, angst and a loss of faith in people whos’ actions and words aren’t always aligned.
This year I have essentially been in “hold-on” mode, holding onto my sanity (failed at times), holding onto my self-respect (I learnt a lot!), and holding onto anything that won’t move to help me in keeping my balance. Now I have come to the end of something that should have ended a long time ago, and have found the calm and the space to fundamentally begin again. I am behind on my studies, and have been questioning if this is even the path I want to go down, I am extremly behind financially (a post for another time), and I am behind in where I was hoping to be by this time this year.
2018. It has certainly taken it’s sweet sweet time in showing it’s pretty face. For me, 2018 will be a chapter of inspiration, of solo rejuvination, of focus and building. It will be one of planning and showing up, of creation and dedication. It will be one of being present and looking after myself and my daughter, one of slow and trust and faith and be-ing.
Lessons I’ve learnt this year are wide and varied- and all come back to the same essence- trust in myself, in intuition and in the universe.
If I had trusted my instincts months ago, I wouldn’t be scraping along rock bottom mow.
If I had implemented the escape plan when I knew everything was going to blow up spectacularly, I wouldn’t be trying to fit burnt puzzle pieces together.
If I had trusted in the universe and stopped trying to control the uncontrollable, I would have felt this inner peace at least a few months ago.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I can take these lessons, the smouldering aftermath of a long, hard year, and slow down and rebuild. Re-establish and regroup.
2018 is on it’s way. 2017- thank you for our lessons, thank you for the experiences and thank you for the rock bottom that I’d only heard about. I’m so ready for you to leave.
I have a feeling that 2018 and I are going to become great friends.